We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
