so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Semen is not good for contacts.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
