i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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