The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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