I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
