I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
