he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
