I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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