Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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