I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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