i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
did you just send me my own nude
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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