I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Never underestimate the power of titties
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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