i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
