She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
