I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
