hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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