I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
