You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you will always have a special place in my vag
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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