2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
More tranny stories later!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize