Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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