How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
