No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
