I CAN MOONWALK!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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