quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im part way to drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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