we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
