the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
