Sry I called you an 8
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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