I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You've changed since you got that strap on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
