You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
