his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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