are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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