I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
