No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
