I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
