last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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