Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have tasted many bathrooms
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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