We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
