i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
