This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
