it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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