I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
