I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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