What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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