cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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