sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
