She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize