he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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