Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
