Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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