Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize