Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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