where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
