Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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