What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize