You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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