Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
