I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
