i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
