Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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