oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
