is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
