he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
