I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
