I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
